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Song of the Day – Sumo Savior Edition
December 15th, 2009Popping up on random Tuesdays is behavior better suited to a ninja than a sumo, but because I bring useful aid rather than bloody death I expect you to bear with me. The Monday hangover has a special dimension for us at SoD this week, after getting our faces Shaolin Shadowboxed by our own team last night. Read the rest of this entry “
Grand Moff Gill to be Installed with Great Fanfare
December 14th, 2009
Actual Photo - Not Action Figure
In the capsizing wake of student-beater Mark Mangino’s departure, Kansas Football was able to land probably their second choice to head the heralded program. Turner Gill returns to the Big 12, but has no history with Kansas besides defeating its football team several times. Gill’s connections with Texas are expected to help recruiting, but really I don’t see how his going to high school in Forth Worth will attract top athletes to the hellhole that is Lawrence, KS.
This Sumo can’t be counted on to give an objective opinion of the effect a popular new coach will have on my hated rival, but let’s get real here: the prestige of Kansas football has a born-on date. That date is October 6, 2007, when KU beat K-State on the road and broke into the AP Top 25. Read the rest of this entry “
Song of the Day – Sumo Savior Edition
November 24th, 2009Let’s not harbor any delusions about the return of SoDSoDSSE being “anticipated” or any synonym of that word. Instead, we’ll pretend that this Sumo has faithfully supported you on yr doldrum Tuesdays routinely and without interruption. Since you are such devoted fans, you don’t need me to remind you that this column strives to put you on the right foot, whichever that may be, to survive the crappiest day of the week. Look at it this way: for most of us, it’s already Thursday. Read the rest of this entry “
Jayhawk Hater Attempts to Hide Delight at Reporting Season of Jayhawk Discontent
November 17th, 2009
Nah, this fatass doesn't deride his players!
Multiple reports from local media outlets are suggesting that Kansas University football coach Mark “Jabba” Mangino is dangerously close to suffering a mutiny. As should be expected, the corpulent coach is chalking the allegations of insurrection up to the program’s five-game losing streak, unprecedented in the Jayhawks’ longstanding football tradition reaching back to 2007. Read the rest of this entry “
Song of the Day – Sumo Savior Edition
October 27th, 2009This Sumo is back from a one-week hiatus, here to tell you what you already know: Tuesday sucks. But, the SoDSoDSSE is back to ease yr suffering. Read the rest of this entry “
“A Statue of Thurman Thomas”
October 16th, 2009
The Tree Had Higher Aspirations for Itself
That is what the Canadian saviors of the left-pictured wood carving wrote on the customs declaration form when they drove the carving into Canada. Obviously, they had to identify the embodied star by name because it is not immediately clear who the statue represents when one gazes upon its majesty. Read the rest of this entry “
Song of the Day
October 16th, 2009Starting today we will attempt to bring you SoDSoD early in the day so’s you can feed off of our musical genius for as long as possible. Try plugging today’s SoD into Pandora for a delicious Friday soundtrack.
Ol’ Louie R. has come down with a case of typhoid, or diptheria, or consumption, or ricketts, or Checketts, or maybe Classic Flu or New Flu. This Sumo is filling in, and feels like you need a day of shoegazing. With respect to Louie’s penchant for all things UK, we bring you Nottingham’s own Amusement Parks on Fire.
Song of the Day – Sumo Savior Edition
October 13th, 2009In last week’s inaugural SoDSoDSSE, I explained how much Tuesday sucks and offered musical tidbits to help you enjoy or survive yr day, depending on yr desired approach. Some need a song that is the fork fluffing their anger rice. Others need a cadence for their march to productivityland. I give you Episode 2. Read the rest of this entry “
Lifelocks Break Fever, Force Game 7 – I Mean 5
October 7th, 2009In addition to the cleverest headline ever, this article has mad content. Actually, no it doesn’t – we simply needed to inform our massive readership of this amazing development because precious little attention is paid to it in the media. Tonight, Rutgers product Cappie Pondexter had a huge game off the bench to support Dirty Diana Taurasi’s less-than-lights-out performance, and the Mercury are bringing the series home for the deciding game 5.
Game 5 is Friday. Watch for more in-depth coverage from our WNBA experts, who are currently indisposed at software and Furry symposia.
Beware the Long Balls Dipped in Sauce
October 6th, 2009If only Detroit Tiger Miguel Cabrera were a D-Back, he would be ascended to SoD Banner Graphic Status after his performance this weekend. Apparently, Cabrera was totally crushed and required retrieval from the police station just 12 hours before going 0-4 and stranding six runners in a potentially division-clinching game against the Twins. Cabrera reportedly fought with his wife, and both spouses had physical damage from the battle. Cabrera apparently apologized to his teammates, probably sometime after the dry heaves finally subsided on Saturday.
Yes He Was
Not only did he come home wasted, hit his wife, and then go Jimmy Dugan on his team (wait, are League of Their Own references allowed? Come on, it’s a great movie!), but Cabrera was out drinking with players from the division-rival White Sox! Way to play spoiler, White Sox, without even playing the game! This sumo is sincerely cheering for the Twins to win, and for Cabrera to get plastered and throw a Cuatro into a lake.
UPDATE: Cabrera hit a dinger and the Tigers are up 3-2 in the 7th, but there is still time…
UPDATE: The Twins indeed won the game despite Cabrera’s “flowers and chocolate” performance. Something more potent than homeruns will be needed to get back on his wife’s good side.
