Posts by Career Sergeant Zim:
Hockey Player is Tougher than Scott Howard
December 9th, 2009Yes, the headline is not surprising – Scott Howard is a 4′11″ 123 lbs wimp. So there has to be a catch right? There is, the hockey player in question is a high school girl. Enjoy the video and laugh at Scott Howard’s pale imitation of masculinity.
Dark Horse Notre Dame Coaching Candidate
December 8th, 2009Ever since Notre Dame showed Jabba the Weis the door, speculation has swirled about Cincinnati Coach Brian Kelly. Many insiders go as far as saying the Notre Dame job belongs to Kelly if he wants it. While that may be, this Career Sergeant believes they should keep the coaching theme of guys named Charlie. Who should Notre Dame hire?
Grand Pa Retires, No One Surprised
December 2nd, 2009Today Bobby Bowden made it official, after 44 years of coaching Florida State University he is calling it quits. Bobby insists that he has no regrets, you know besides not killing to Kaiser when he had the chance. He retires as the second winningest coach in college football history, thanks to that infernal nit-picking NCAA. Bowden’s retirement comes after months of speculation and public pressure from Florida State officials who were all to eager to put Booby down old yeller style install Jimbo Fischer as the head coach starting next year.
Coaching gaze or come hither look? Depends on his mood.
Larry Johnson is Terrible Person – But Zim Still Hopes to Profit Off of Him
November 9th, 2009Terrible person Giant douchebag Larry Johnson was released by the Kansas City Chiefs this morning. I believe there was little sense in releasing a player you are obligated to pay for the rest of the season after suspending him. Scott Howard is wrong disagrees. I believe LJ had potential trade value after the season, and even if he did not, the Chiefs literally had nothing to lose by keeping him. Scott Howard is wrong disagrees. He believes LJ is just too used up to be of any use and that the fact that he is a cancer to team morale means he is done. I believe that some desperate team will roll the dice on LJ for the rest of the season.
How do reasonable adults handle such a disagreement? Howard and I don’t know, so we did what we always do, bet on it. Hence the SoD Trophy Prop Bet was born! (Mark this date, so you can tell you grandkids about it.)
If LJ is signed by another team by November 20, 2009, I win. If not, Howard wins. What does the winner get you ask? One of these:
Winner gets to pick the inscription.
What should the winner have the loser put on it? Give us your thoughts.
Brandon Spikes Suspended For Trying To Create A Cyclops
November 2nd, 2009Florida head coach Urban Meyer suspended his star linebacker Brandon Spikes for the first half of Saturday’s game against Vanderbilt. Surely a fitting punishment following Spikes trying to gouge out the eyes of Georgia running back Washaun Ealey. I am sure it will tear Spikes up to have to sit for the first half against the Commodores. Florida fans argue that Spikes was responding to the chippy nature of the game and Georgia fans argue that he is a dirty player but both of these arguments are incorrect. What was Spikes trying to do? Simple, create a cyclops because he is a big fan of their work historically. His favorites include:
Cyclops from X-Men the comic book, not the film. James Marsden need not apply.
Mike Leach, Ladies Man
October 26th, 2009Texas Tech inexplicably lost to Texas A&M 52 -30 on Saturday. Yes, Scott Howard Virginia the same Texas Tech who beat Kansas State by 52 and the same A&M who lost to Kansas State by 48. How does the Dread Pirate Leach explain this loss? Like a gentleman of the highest caliber. He certainly is not going to blame or listen to their fat girl little friends.
Class, thy name is Mike Leach.
Song of the Day
October 21st, 2009In honor of the upcoming Texas v. Missouri game, this Song of the Day goes out to our own Mizzou grad., E. Honda.
Good luck Saturday. Your Pal.
Zim
Jim Zorn Stripped of Play-Calling Duties and Pants
October 19th, 2009
Bigger future in DC: Jim Zorn or the McRib?
Following the 14-6 depantsing of the Redskins by the previously winless Chiefs, Jim Zorn was stripped of his manhood and play-calling responsibilities. Understandably, Zorn began his post game news conference with a death rattle loud, lengthy sigh into the microphone. Many speculate that Zorn will be fired before the end of the season. But alas, Dan Snyder the merciful has decided to let Zorn twist in the public eye as a dead man walking a little while longer. I am sure without having to worry about calling offensive plays Zorn will relish the opportunity for the Redskins to do something they have not done yet this season, play a team with a win.
Rick Pitino Master Disciplinarian
October 15th, 2009Louisville basketball players Jerry Smith and Terrence Jennings were charged with misdemeanor counts of resisting law enforcement. These fine upstanding kids were probably helping an old lady across the street following an alumni homecoming party, where they almost certainly declined every hundred dollar handshake that was offered to them, when an out-of-control, off-duty Jeffersonville police officers got all uppity and attacked the two. Both kids were arrested following an “altercation” with some off-duty Jeffersonville police officers. Let me be the first to congratulate you on the solid decision-making process guys. I personally always get into fights with multiple guys wearing t-shirts that are clearly marked “police” and then keep raising hell even after they cuff me and tell me I am under arrest. I think every one has been there and done that, so I am sure the program will be completely understanding, right?
Pitino leads by example and, when push comes to shove, he is trustworthy enough to lock up the place after you're gone.
Mobilehoma Blows
October 13th, 2009The Red River Rivalry is upon us and that means one thing, blOwyoU hate week is here. As you may be aware I am a graduate of the University of Texas (the only good football team among the alma maters of the SoD crew this year). It has been brought to my attention that some of the people sentenced to read this blog as a condition of their parole our fans may be unfamiliar with why the land thieves suck so very much, so I have prepared a handy visual guide. Enjoy.
The glorious past was not so glorious:
Brain Bosworth, a favorite of Dr. Greenbaumberg and one of the great D-bags of all time.
